99 Point Wines

A new line of wines promoted by Robus Parkowania





Finally it was time to taste the wines. I enquired about samples and a tasting, to which a shocked Robus replied, “you want to taste these wines? These aren’t wines that will show well in a tasting scenario.”

Foiled in my efforts to sample with the wines with Robus, I was forced to buy the wines at retail for predictably varying prices. I was able to find the following wines.

200? 99 Points! Cabernet Slopiton from Napa

This is weirdly thick with a creamy consistency when it’s licked off the knife you use to cut it from its bottle. Full of earthy, palate staining flavors of Smucker’s, coffee and tobacco with a finish that lasts, quite possible, forever.

200* 99 Points! Putiton Now from Sonmona Burkina Faso

This at least pours from the bottle, though it is a bit chunky and I think I found bits of a ham bone in my glass. Full of earthy, palate staining flavors of Smucker’s, coffee and blueberry smoothie, with a hot finish.

200& 99 Points! Zinfandelighter Sierra Nevada Bolivia

This bursts into flames when poured in the glass due to a mistake during bottling, the addition of elemental sodium instead of sulfur or so I am told. It also makes your nose itch and numbs your whole head, though it does seem to make some people annoyingly talkative.

I sort of like the Zinfandelighter as a conversation piece. It did burn for a long time with a pretty blue flame, so it has that going for it, but the other wines sort of left me wanting a little less and stuck to the chair as well. I think Robus has a ways to go before his 99 Points! will truly catch on, but I think he might be on to something with his 200^ Sowin It Back On, which blends white wine with 99 thumb tacks. A preventive measure I hear against proposed truth in advertising laws that just might prove to be Robus’s undoing!

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Comments

  • Really???!!! He called his wines 99 points ???!!! ... pretencious

    Apr 02, 2012 at 9:05 AM


  • Snooth User: badbobby
    200769 15

    Most people would be very happy to have someone like yourself tasting and blogging about his wines to a discerning, enthusiastic audience. Beware. Something fishy sounding here.

    Apr 02, 2012 at 1:59 PM


  • Snooth User: tomglip
    502946 25

    You left out the most important part - They make only 50 cases a year of their reserve cuvee -sold only at the winery. Called "The 100 Pointer", every year the label features a picture of a super-model in a bikini caressing a bottle of wine, and the words "A Perfect Score" written below. l.

    Apr 02, 2012 at 2:02 PM


  • Snooth User: Gamelorn
    689561 70

    Cute April Fools article.

    Apr 02, 2012 at 2:38 PM


  • Snooth User: Gregory Dal Piaz
    Hand of Snooth Voice of Snooth
    89065 197,674

    Tom, You know what happens to that bikini when you chill the bottle don't you?

    Apr 02, 2012 at 2:38 PM


  • Snooth User: cdh
    152896 12

    Hilarious!

    Apr 02, 2012 at 2:44 PM


  • Snooth User: Villa Ragazzi
    Hand of Snooth Voice of Snooth
    973965 51

    Second wine-related giggle today, and it's not even April Fool's Day. Thanks!

    Apr 02, 2012 at 3:25 PM


  • Snooth User: courgette
    124481 148

    I give this piece 101 points!

    Apr 02, 2012 at 3:26 PM


  • I don't get it-he's rating his own wines 99 points then selling them based on that alone? Really? Or am I missing something?
    I for one will not be spending $20 or $30 on a wine based entirely on the distributor's claim that it is worthy of the rating.
    Is this a joke?

    Apr 02, 2012 at 3:43 PM


  • Snooth User: courgette
    124481 148

    Katy, Fredi, BadBobby et al.-- please note the date of the article.

    Apr 02, 2012 at 4:02 PM


  • Snooth User: EMark
    Hand of Snooth
    847804 5,241

    I was at a local wine retailer, yesterday, and they were offering tastings of 99 Point WInes. They most they would offer me, though, was $15. I passed.

    Apr 02, 2012 at 4:08 PM


  • Snooth User: Gregory Dal Piaz
    Hand of Snooth Voice of Snooth
    89065 197,674

    Hey Emark, So what's you going rate for tasting 100 pointers?

    Nice one!

    Apr 02, 2012 at 6:45 PM


  • Snooth User: dmcker
    Hand of Snooth
    125836 6,914

    Unfortunately, the article didn't arrive in my mailbox until April 3 Tokyo time, late 2nd yours.... ;-(

    Why wasn't this posted on the eRobert Parker site? ;-)

    Apr 02, 2012 at 7:47 PM


  • Snooth User: dmcker
    Hand of Snooth
    125836 6,914

    Oh yeah, meant to add before my premature 'approve' click that you need to ask Arpy if the Zinfandelighter didn't actually rip off the original Coca Cola recipe...

    Apr 02, 2012 at 7:53 PM


  • Snooth User: jamessulis
    Hand of Snooth
    426220 1,440

    Delightful aromas of burnt ham fat, coupled with essence of pineapple. Perfect for your Easter fondu buffet. Strong taste of Starbucks g Guatamala blend with chunks of cookie dough with a lasting finish. Pass the mouthwash please

    Apr 04, 2012 at 7:48 PM


  • Snooth User: Forrealz
    1107531 18

    Did any of you even read to the end of the article? If you could read this:

    "200* 99 Points! Putiton Now from Sonmona Burkina Faso
    This at least pours from the bottle, though it is a bit chunky and I think I found bits of a ham bone in my glass. Full of earthy, palate staining flavors of Smucker’s, coffee and blueberry smoothie, with a hot finish."

    ... and still take it seriously, then you deserve to sit there all high and mighty on your pedestal of misery. I, for one, thought this was absolutely hilarious.

    Jun 01, 2012 at 2:59 PM


  • Snooth User: Helen Poole
    1337036 29

    interesting..

    Aug 30, 2013 at 5:58 AM


  • Snooth User: anvilpep
    1370081 34

    amaizing

    Sep 24, 2013 at 12:52 AM


  • Snooth User: anvilpep
    1370081 34

    nice

    Sep 24, 2013 at 12:57 AM


  • interesting

    Sep 27, 2013 at 2:28 AM


  • nice

    Oct 06, 2013 at 11:30 PM


  • great

    Jan 21, 2014 at 1:04 AM


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