Finally it was time to taste the wines. I enquired about samples and a tasting, to which a shocked Robus replied, “you want to taste these wines? These aren’t wines that will show well in a tasting scenario.”

Foiled in my efforts to sample with the wines with Robus, I was forced to buy the wines at retail for predictably varying prices. I was able to find the following wines.

200? 99 Points! Cabernet Slopiton from Napa

This is weirdly thick with a creamy consistency when it’s licked off the knife you use to cut it from its bottle. Full of earthy, palate staining flavors of Smucker’s, coffee and tobacco with a finish that lasts, quite possible, forever.

200* 99 Points! Putiton Now from Sonmona Burkina Faso

This at least pours from the bottle, though it is a bit chunky and I think I found bits of a ham bone in my glass. Full of earthy, palate staining flavors of Smucker’s, coffee and blueberry smoothie, with a hot finish.

200& 99 Points! Zinfandelighter Sierra Nevada Bolivia

This bursts into flames when poured in the glass due to a mistake during bottling, the addition of elemental sodium instead of sulfur or so I am told. It also makes your nose itch and numbs your whole head, though it does seem to make some people annoyingly talkative.

I sort of like the Zinfandelighter as a conversation piece. It did burn for a long time with a pretty blue flame, so it has that going for it, but the other wines sort of left me wanting a little less and stuck to the chair as well. I think Robus has a ways to go before his 99 Points! will truly catch on, but I think he might be on to something with his 200^ Sowin It Back On, which blends white wine with 99 thumb tacks. A preventive measure I hear against proposed truth in advertising laws that just might prove to be Robus’s undoing!